The Real "Rules" For Dating My Children.

"A person is a person no matter how small."

- Dr. Seuss

As a parent, I understand that urge to protect your children from whatever may cause him or her harm. Especially when it comes to the possibility of them growing up and dating. It sets a certain amount of fear into us. How long can we prevent it, and is there any way to stop it indefinitely? 

Unfortunately, children grow up, and this is just a part of their lives we have to cope with. Think of when they started taking their first steps. It's scary! These little people, walking around in this big world. They might fall and get hurt. In most cases, they did get hurt. But we were always there to pick them up, kiss the booboos away, and encouraged them to keep moving. 

Which is why when I see pictures like this

And this

I have to wonder what logic parents see behind it? Why are we treating our children like property? 

"She's my princess, not your conquest." No, she is not my princess. My daughter is not a damsel in distress. She is a strong, independent young lady. She is intelligent enough to make the right choices. And that includes choosing the right time to have sex. Why? Because I trust myself as a parent to teach her everything she needs to know about sex. 

"You hurt her, I hurt you." No, I won't. That is a part of life. You fall in love, and you get your heart broken. If you hurt her, I want you to know what a wonderful young lady you are losing in your life. But the truth is, I will be too busy comforting my child to bother with you. As for physical pain, well, like I said, my daughter is no damsel in distress and I assure you, she will repay you. 

"Get a Job." I can promise you my daughter will not need you to financially support her. Your money, or lack thereof, is your own business. I'm not raising a daughter who will be dependent on anyone, myself and her father included, for any reason. 

"Understand I don't like you." Fair enough. But honestly, my like or dislike of you is irrelevant. I am not the one dating you. So long as you are respectful when you come to pick up my daughter, and are respectful towards her, this won't be an issue.

"Understand that I can make you go away." I can't, and I won't try. My sons are intelligent enough to know when an individual is toxic to their lives. If you fall under that category, they will cut ties with you themselves. No prompting from me needed. 

"He's a Mama's Boy." Oh good lord, NO! He is not! He is an independent young man, and a gentleman. He will treat you with the respect. But he is not a mama's boy. I do not, and will not make his life decisions for him.

"If I see any sexts on his phone…" I will not make you go away. I will, however, make him apologize for taking advantage of your low self esteem. I will speak to your parents, and apologize to them as well. And I will help them get you counseling. 

I get it. We want to protect our children from everything. But at what cost? I know some of us would like to hold their child's hand on their first date, or take the trip with them when they honeymoon. The reality is that we can't. We have to let them grow. 

It is our jobs, as parents to teach them to be a good judge of character. We must be the ones to teach them love, and respect should be returned, not squandered and abused. It's really simple. We have to trust ourselves as parents to know that our children can also be trusted. It seems like such a good idea to wrap our children in bubble wrap, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. But the scars that we bare from stumbling are our lives greatest lessons. Why should we deny them the opportunity to learn them as well?

The real rules for dating my children are simple. Treat them with respect, and they will return it in kind. Nurture their dreams, and encourage them to achieve them, and you can hold each others hands on that journey to success. 

Body Image: Ladies, Please Stop the Body Shaming

"There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty."
- Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

When I was younger I was made to feel self conscience about my body weight. "Don't eat too much, or you will get fat." "Fat" was frowned upon. The ideal for beauty was to be rail thin. Women should not have curves. If they did, they were not beautiful. This continued until I was older. It came from both family, and friends. As a teenager, I even dated a boy who would laugh about it. In reality what he was doing was tearing down my self esteem, and make me question my own beauty. As an adult, I realize now that he was a stupid boy. Frankly, my teenager body was gorgeous, and he was very lucky to be allowed in my presence. But that is the knowledge I have now, back then I hated every itch of my body. 

We live in a society where "body shaming" has become the norm. Skinny, slim, fit, and curvy women, all bombarding us in an attempt to make us feel that their body type is the ideal. In reality it is a form of verbal, and mental abuse, and speaks volumes of your own insecurities. To point at other women, and make them question their own beauty because you are unsure of your own, is simply unacceptable. The  false confidence you as a woman attempt to portray is easily shattered the moment you utter an ugly word about another human being. 

No one is born hating their bodies. We are made to feel insecure, and self conscience in our own skin by those around us. Family, and friends who make under handed, and snide remarks concerning our appearances. Something that seems harmless like asking "Are you really going to wear that" can tear a persons self confidence apart. As females, we face a slew of obstacles. Maybe it is the higher levels of estrogen than our male counterparts, but we deal with things on a deeper emotional level. We love deeper, but we are also more easily hurt. It is both our greatest strength, and our greatest weakness. 

This by no means is directed towards a single group of women, but women as a whole. Every time a female utters the term "Real men love curves" it makes me cringe. No. "Real men" like whatever the hell they want. Curves do not make you beautiful to everyone, and some men will look past you. "Nothing taste as good as skinny feels" is equally as grotesque to me. Suggesting that curvy women should not feel good about themselves does not make you beautiful. It makes you an asshole.

Women seek to be the best versions of their physical selfs they can be, and that is a beautiful thing. But whatever your body shape, or your goals may be, it is important for you to love yourself first. If you do not love yourself, you will never be happy with the image you see in the mirror. As a result we often project those issues onto the women around us, and it is unfair for other women to have to carry the burden of your insecurities. Your body does not define your character. If you are a horrible person, that does not change if the size of your waist does. 

Women, it is our jobs to be empowering figures in the lives of the young girls around us. They will emulate our behavior. Do we really want the beautiful young girls in our lives to inherit our body issues? Do we want them to become the bullies that give other girls a negative stigma about their body image?

As long as a woman is comfortable in her own skin, who are we to judge her? If she is confident in herself, why must we try to tear each other down? Even something as simple as a disapproving scan of another woman's body. The body shaming needs to stop. Build your own self esteem, and encourage other women to do the same. Embrace your body, and feel confident in your beauty. Forgive those that have thrown you harsh words regarding your image, and forgive yourself for having allowed it to trouble you. No one will ever have an ideal body. The thought that there is such a thing would mean that the concept of perfection is attainable. It is not. Beauty is attained when you make the conscience decision to embrace your imperfections, and love yourself as you are.