“The sense that in his mother’s view, he had let down his family just by being who he was… was a failure of acceptance that he was never going to get over. He just wanted to live, honestly and out front, with no apology. Like everyone else. To love who he loved, be who he was… but society had a different standard.”
― J.R. Ward, Lover At Last
Before my daughter was born, I knew I would love her forever. Without conditions or limitations. As this little human being grew inside me, so did my love for it. I just knew that there was nothing on earth, no action or words uttered, that could diminish my love for this being. And when she was born, that love doubled and has been growing at an alarmingly rapid rate ever since. It was the same for each of my sons. And I know many parents can relate. There is a bond between mother and child, long before the child is born. This life that grows inside you fills you with this complete understanding of love and happiness.
Recently, and with a strange frequency, I have been asked how I would react if any of my children came out of the closet to me. How would I act if my child were homosexual? It seems an odd question to me. What is the appropriate response? How do people (those who know me) expect to me react?
Am I supposed to be disappointed? Do people expect me to show some sort of disapproval? There won't be any. My child will be my child regardless of sexual orientation. Therefore, I will love and support them no different than if they were born green with ten heads. It bothers me when a parent says they love their child unconditionally, yet can fear that their child may be homosexual. If you are afraid of something that trivial, you really do not have the slightest idea what "unconditional" means.
Some people have said to me that they love their children and simply want certain things for them in life. They dream of having grandchildren or weddings. They envision the life of their children being a certain way. To them I ask, who are you to decide how any of those things happen? Children can be adopted. There are entirely too many children in the system that have no homes or families, that your child can love and raise as their own. As for weddings, with more people realizing how silly it is not to allow same sex couples to marry, your child may still have that dream wedding. Furthermore, isn't it more important that your child is happy and comfortable being him or herself?
I want certain things for my children as well. I want them to be happy. I want them to be healthy. I want them to become independent, responsible and successful. I want them to find love. And I want them to do all of that in a way that they feel comfortable. It is not for me to decide how they will accomplish these things. It is not my place to tell them the path that they must take. My job as a parent is to simply guide, counsel, encourage and support them. A child does not learn from their parents mistakes. They must make their own. Our job is to give them the strength to get up and continue fighting so that they can stand atop their mountain and say "I did this on my own, and I am proud of it!"
Homosexuality is not something that people would choose for themselves. Why would they when this world is so disgustingly hateful? It is not a bad gene. There is nothing wrong with a gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans-genders brain. Their sexuality is not something that can be expelled. It cannot be prayed away and there is no cure for it. Because there is NOTHING wrong with them. They are people like you and I. Normal people. People who love as deeply as we do. People who laugh and live and are completely comfortable with themselves. They are beautiful, complete, and courageous for being able to admit to the world, that is entirely too judgmental of all things that are different, that they are exactly that. Different but not broken.
So to those who ask me what my reaction will be if I learned my child was homosexual, my answer is I would love them. I don't know if my children will be gay or not. I am a few years away from those revelations. But I do know that I will be here when the time comes, with open arms and heart, loving them more than I do today. I will be here to battle down anyone who judges them, because my love for them is unconditional.
