"We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift."
- Marilyn Monroe
When I was young, my mother had one thing to say to me about sex. Don't.
Don't think about it.
Don't mention it.
Don't have it.
Which, I guess is normal for most parents. But I began questioning the effectiveness of this approach a long time ago.
Human begins are sexual. We reach a certain age, and our hormones take over. We stop thinking about cartoons, action figures, and baby dolls, and start thinking about sex. Often. It's one of those things that suck about puberty. You get taller, your breast grow in (or don't), you get body hair, and suddenly, you want sex. You don't know what it is, you don't know why you want it, but dammit if you don't want it.
We live in a world where teens are having sex. Don't misunderstand me. Sure, there are some who value their virginity, and will remain as such until a much older age. I applaud those people. It is something to be proud of. But not everyone will go that route. Some will be more inclined to have sex than others. With, or without your knowledge, it is happening. Our greatest wish as parents is for our children to remain abstinent until marriage, but it is not always realistic.
The scariest part is that they are having sex, and a vast majority of them are misinformed, if informed at all. A lot of them get into situations thinking that the worse possible outcome is pregnancy. Personally, this is far from the worse case scenario. I honestly think a positive result on an HIV/AIDS test is miles worse.
So who are these kids going to for information? Their equally misinformed peers? Is that who we are trusting our children's sexual education to? I mean, at some point they receive a health course in school, but what happens if this class comes too late? Why aren't parents sitting down, and having open, and honest discussions with their children about sex?
It's not enough to tell them what it is, and not to do it. Contrary to what most parents want to believe, children do need explanations. How else are they supposed to understand the serious implications of their actions, if we don't explain it to them? Think of it like this, when a child is small, and enters the kitchen, you carefully explain that getting close to the stove can hurt them, because they will be burned. You explain to them that their actions will have a negative reaction. If we can do this with young children, why then does it become so difficult to be this open, and honest with older children, who have a better grasp on reality?
My children are still young. I have a few years before I have to sit my daughter down, and have this conversation with her. But I know my child... she is beautiful, curious, and strongly independent. If I don't have the comprehensive sex talk with her, she will find the information on her own, and that scares me. As her parent, it is my job to make sure she is ready for whatever obstacles in life she may face. I may not be able to make the choices for her, but the least I can do is give her the information she needs to make those choices.
I need to have a real discussion with my children about sex. My sons, as well as my daughter. It is my responsibility to make sure, not just that my daughter doesn't put herself in a situation to become a young mother, but also that my sons do not make a mother out of a young woman. My wish is that other parents would educate their children as well, so that I wouldn't have to live with a fear that my three will end up in unsavory situations.
Knowledge is a weapon. It is the strongest, and best body armor. Better to arm yourself, then run off into battle without it, and be killed instantly. Why would anyone want to send their child off, like a pig to the slaughter?
Look, I cannot dictate how anyone raises their child. That is your personal choice. I only know that I would rather my children be well prepared for life, then in a position to fail before they even start. So, I have made the decision long ago to speak openly, and honestly with them. I have decided that telling children not to do something "because I said so," is ineffective, and the easiest way to dare a child to threaten your authority. And since they are going to do that so often anyway, at least if you are honest with them, they will do it knowing what the repercussions will be.
Don't talk about sex as a taboo. It's a natural part of life, and if you treat it as such when discussing it, your children will be more inclined to listen to you. Discuss everything from basic hygiene, to sexually transmitted diseases, and birth control. Give them all the information you can, and then trust them, and your decisions as a parent, enough to know that they will make the right choices. Set rules with them, so that if they do decide to have sex, at least they have a guideline to follow. Most importantly, do not make it so that they fear the idea of coming to you if, and when they have a question, concern, or problem with, or about sex.
